Simple Complications.

You know its a bad day when...

2007-02-21T17:31:00.001-05:00

20/2/2007.

1) you get laughed at at the local pizza place because you dont know which day it is today.
2) your toes are swollen and cold.
3) your house smells of heated metal, and your pressure cooker is screwed
4) your shower head is broken.

I shall explain in more detail.

1) its tuesday, and this pizza place near my house has discount pizza slices. so i go there this afternoon, but when i reached there, i had forgotten exactly which day it was. instead of checking my phone, i proceeded to ask the shopkeeper which day it was, and he replied wednesday. i immediately realised i had other plans for wednesday, and left the shop, came back near to my place when i realised today was in fact tuesday. i go back to the shop and find the shop owner and the 3 customers there in the afternoon laughing at me.

i buy my pizzas and leave, mentally making a promise not to come back to this shop for a long time.

result-loss of dignity.

2) since i had decided i was not going to the pizza place for dinner too, i decided to make sambar. so i put the dhall in the cooker, and soon realised i had no tamarind left to make any sambar. therefore, i decided to go to the indian store nearby to get some tamarind

.mistake? i had forgotten that i had left my cooker with the dhall on.

anyway, since the weather was a nice 2 degrees when i left, i figured i'd wear sandals and go out since i was too lazy to wear my shoes. but then, being the dreamy, absent minded idiot that i am, no sooner had i stepped out of my house when i stepped onto a puddle of frozen ice/water. with sandals.

my toes were frozen, but since the shop was nearby, i thought i may as well walk to the place and get the stuff. so i walk to the place, and my toes kept getting number all the way to the palce and back.

result- frozen, highly itchy, swollen toes.

3) half way on the way back, i realised i had left the cooker on with the dhall and forgotten to switch it off. being a pressure cooker, it is highly likely that the pressure can build up over time in the cooker and soon it could be a potential weapon. luckily my mother, in all her infinite wisdom (or maybe she just knew how absent minded/stupid i can be) got a special cooker wiht a safety valve. in case the pressure builds up too much in the cooker, this special valve things melts letting out all the steam.

which is a good thing, except that when i came back home, my house was filled with the released gas. which means my house smells of burnt metal and burnt dhall. and the fire alarm was ringing too, but luckily it was only in my house, which meant all these could be solved by simply opening the balcony door. except that now its cold, so im sitting here frozen and typing this msg out.

result-stinky house, screwed up cooker, no food :(

4)anyway, as i felt i had diffused the cooker-bomb, i decided to take care of my toes which were starting to itch a lot more now. so i step into the bathtub to wash my toes in hot water, but for balance i held onto the shower head.

heres where all you fucers who said i had become thin were wrong. the shower head broke, bathing in me in (thankfully warm) water. i had to switch off the shower faucet, and thankfully i still have water from the taps.

result-broken and leaky shower head.

total result- no dignity; frozen, itchy, swollen toes; stinky house; screwed up cooker; and broken shower.

lessons learnt:
1) mothers are wise.
2) take your phone wherever you go.
3) dont daydream when walking out in the cold.
4) laziness is a curse.
5) absent mindedness is a curse.
6) i need a wife :shifty eyes:

ah, the fascinating life of bharat tekkuluru srinivasa :)

ps-the story continues.

21/2/2007.

I had an interview today, so i was sitting and ironing my clothes. however, since my house was still smelling from yesterday, i had left the balcony door open.

and heres where the bad luck shows its ugly head.

i go to the kitchen to get some water, and by the time i come back, a plastic cover had blown in through the open balcony door, and gotten stuck to the hot iron.

result- my iron is screwed, and my house stinks of molten plastic, deep fried metal and burnt dhall :)

someone do dhrishi suthu for me at a koil nearby.

New year greetings.

2007-01-03T23:38:00.000-05:00

As the title says.

Happy New Year. May your new year be filled with rivers of sambar and mountains of dosas :)

My greetings from last yr still holds. May this year go by fast too.

I apologise for not updating the blog in a while. I would like to attribute that to my increased maturity, thus ensuring that the random part of me is suppressed until otherwise, but people who know me well enough know that such a travesty is not possible. But who knows?

:mystery:

*intermission*

bah

2006-10-29T22:24:00.000-05:00

a poem i actually wrote based on another friend.

however, its been slightly modified.

t'was a fine morning when i left my house,
went up to my farm to milk the cows.
but lo and behold, what i found there,
was nikhil in his underwear.

screaming like a girl, i ran away
completely stunned, i had nothing to say.
i packed my bags and sold the house
i sped away to alaska on a white mouse.

nikhil followed me through the frozen expanse,
the fucing idiot still hadnt put on his pants
full of fear, i made a snow ball,
but he stood right there and said "LOL"

gathering my strength, i threw the thing,
and surprisingly, nikhil started to sing.
that inititated an avalance,
which led me straight to MJ's ranch.

i m sorry, nikhil :p

P.H.R.U.I.T

2006-10-13T22:23:00.000-05:00

Procrastination Heralds Really Un Imaginable Timewasting.

Four score and seven years ago,
This world was ruled by a Mango.
Soft and sweet on the outside,
He concealed a seed, rock hard.

In the fruit basket, they lived in peace,
The apple was fat and the papaya, a tease.
Everything did seem fine in the kingdom,
But who controls, processes random.

For there did live, quite a few rebels
The coco-nut and his allies, orange navels.
Try, they did to overthrow the king,
But were kept in control by the police.

The police force consisted of specially selected grapes,
Without seed, hung around in bunches and wore green capes,
These fighters were feared by rebels basket-wide,
And answered only to the king.

However as all stories go, there was a traitor,
A grape that was a hater.
In truth he was a date in disguise,
Freshly imported from the hottest deserts.

All masterminded by the evil pear,
The coconut, the date and the oranges here,
Hatched a plan to overthrow the king,
For what greater glory, then to control the basket.

One dark night, they creeped into the palace,
Climbed up the stairs, and crept through the terrace,
Over powered the slippery banana guards,
But came face-to-face with the grape forces.

A war was launched, but now I m tired,
Suffice to say that many seeds were fired,
Who was the victor, we'll never know.
For I turned all the fruits into juice :)

bah. i actually wanted to expand on the poem, but i got bored halfway through it.

Tips

2006-09-24T18:09:00.000-05:00

Hello everybody!!

Its your favourite home alone kid, tsb, here again, with some tips on being miserly at home, thusly saving your money, your dad's money and proving the stereotype about Indians being cheap.

On today's episode, we look at household chores that any person should do, specially if its an alternative to studying.

Laundry:

Ah...The bane of many. How many times have we regretted not washing our clothes on the river bank, or on the washing stone strategically placed in the house so that the maami (auntiji) next door can see you and give her beautiful daughter in arranged marriage to you.

But then, as the french say...C'est la vie.

Now, a word of advice. Simply because you dont like using mechanical tools such as washing machines, it does not mean you should not wash your clothes. Well, that is a way to keep the white people away from you but thats a different story.
You see, we Indians secrete curry from our pores, and thats a scientifically proven fact. Of course, the constituents of the curry can differ from state to state; for instance a Gujarati would secrete Gujarati Khadi from his pores; a Punjabi, Dal Makhani; a Tamilian, Onion sambar and a Malayalee, banana chips. Oh, and another word of advice. If you're hyderabadi... you stink :shifty eyes:

Yanyway, for washing your clothes, AND preserving valuable money, I suggest you dont buy all these high funda washing detergents. They cost a lot of money, and they are not natural. Therefore, I would suggest either shipping in tons of Rin detergent soaps when you come, or if you're all out of them, just cut up your bath soap and throw it in with the clothes. I personally prefer the bath soap idea, as not only are you preserving your precious rin, now this way you dont have to take a bath because your clothes naturally smell like how you would smell after taking a bath! *

(*The host assumes that all readers take their baths atleast once a week :shifty eyes:)

And that is all we have in todays section of Home Alone Tips. Now a word from our sponsors.

*beep*

Vande Mataram

2006-09-07T07:57:00.000-05:00

सुजलां सुफलां मलयजशीतलाम्
सस्य श्यामलां मातरंम् .
शुभ्र ज्योत्सनाम् पुलकित यामिनीम्
फुल्ल कुसुमित द्रुमदलशोभिनीम्,
सुहासिनीं सुमधुर भाषिणीम् .
सुखदां वरदां मातरम् ॥

सप्त कोटि कन्ठ कलकल निनाद कराले
द्विसप्त कोटि भुजैर्ध्रत खरकरवाले
के बोले मा तुमी अबले
बहुबल धारिणीम् नमामि तारिणीम्
रिपुदलवारिणीम् मातरम् ॥

तुमि विद्या तुमि धर्म, तुमि ह्रदि तुमि मर्म
त्वं हि प्राणाः शरीरे
बाहुते तुमि मा शक्ति,
हृदये तुमि मा भक्ति,
तोमारै प्रतिमा गडि मन्दिरे-मन्दिरे ॥

त्वं हि दुर्गा दशप्रहरणधारिणी
कमला कमलदल विहारिणी
वाणी विद्यादायिनी, नमामि त्वाम्
नमामि कमलां अमलां अतुलाम्
सुजलां सुफलां मातरम् ॥

श्यामलां सरलां सुस्मितां भूषिताम्
धरणीं भरणीं मातरम् ॥

I spent about half the day looking for the song so I could download it onto my phone, or atleast just post it here.

Arjun Singh's just being a bastard. There was no reason to make singing this song voluntarily, specially since no one has spoken against it since the 1930's.

Fuck you, Arjun Singh. Fuck you.

:)

How girls talk.

2006-08-11T01:20:00.000-05:00

So there I was, one gloomy day at the University of Toronto, minding my own business studying archaelogy when suddenly...

bah. stupid start.

Anyway, so there I was sitting on one corner of the table, and next to me and opposite me are two girls sitting (friends, i know them too).
I m busy studying (by which i mean i m staring at the squirrels outside the window) when suddenly, girl A (the one sitting next to me) gets up and walks out.
She comes back a little later, and this is the convo that happened. Almost literally, but with a little bit of exaggeration. as usual :p

girl a (one sitting beside me)- *Looks at girl b and smiles*
girl b (one sitting opposite me)- *looks at girl a and smiles*
tsb- *looks up, shrugs, looks back at notes*

2 minutes later:
girl a- i m back *giggle*
girl b- like really *giggle*
tsb- *scratching head*

2 minutes later:
girl b- so, i like like your nails. they're like so pretty.
girl a- like, i know. i love the pink colour. and did oyu know like ____ like ___ like ____ like ___ like ____ like _____. *giggle*
girl b-like really? like omg!
tsb- *starting to pull hair out*

2 minute silence
girl a- so do you know? like the guy sitting next to me. he like calls himself metrosexual!
girl b- like really? like, what does he mean?
girl a-like, he has these really long pretty nails, and then he's like "i just got a manicure*
girl b- like really?
girl a- like yeah! but the funny thing is, like when you get a manicure, they, like cut oyur fingernails really short!
girl b-like yeah. like when i got my hair cut *starts talking for 10 minutes about how her barber actually sat there pulling each hair out*
tsb- *pulls out more hair of one's head*

few minutes later:
tsb-*studying*
girl a- ___ is like so pretty!!
girl b- like yeah. didnt ____ have a crush on her? (___=mutual friend)
girl a- like really? like, they dont even seem compatible!
girl b-like yeah. i dont know like whats going on.
*10 minute discussion on this subject*
tsb-*has no more hair to pull out*

theres only one thing for me to ask.

WHY did i actually sit their and try to decipher their language? WHY?? :@:@:@:'(:'(

someone please kill me :(

ps- divs. keep that maatu vandi with rathna cafe sambar ready.
thanks :)

ah, parents

2006-07-01T09:15:00.000-05:00

So as most of you know, my run of freedom in toronto is now severely limited because my brother and mother are now here. :(

:moment of silence:

but in every dark cloud there is a silver lining. I can now eat masala dosas for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Assuming, that is, that my mother gets over the initial shock of how "clean" my house is.

Anyway, I decided to post this on what my mother and brother said to me as soon as they landed, and just for the heck of it, what they and my father said as soon as I landed in Dubai after first yr.

Time: yesterday night.
Location: Lester. B. Pearson International Airport, Toronto. Airport code: YYZ (Yes, our Canadian friends only had the last 3 letters of the english alphabet to call the biggest airport in this country).
Time: 11:57pm.
Actors: Our hero, Bharat Tekkuluru Srinivasa (tsb) *tamil movie entrance song*
Our hero's mother (M) *sentimental tamil song*
Our hero's brother (A) *throws eggs*

tsb: Hello ma. Dei arun. *falls on mother's feet*
M: What is this, da? Why did you become like this?
A: Show off, ma.
tsb: yeah yeah. How are you arun? *punches bro*
A: i m fine da. *punches me back*
M: Arumchitiya? (started off, aa)
A: (very loudly) I didnt even recognise you, da. With your haircut, you look like some chinese rowdy. (for those of you not in the know, toronto is the new china. wherever you see, there are onlee chinese people wherever you look)
tsb: dei fool. this is not india. you have to shut up the racial slurs here (oh well, it seems i ve thought him racism well :D)

Luckily, it was dark outside, so our hero avoided comments on how thin he has become, and stuff.

Scene 2: Outside the home.
M: Dont expect too much of the house, arun. knowing bharat, it will be a complete mess.
A: i know, ma.
tsb: *smirks* *opens door*
M: ada paavi. what is this, ra. when you said house is not neat, i didnt expect it to be so bad.
tsb: Its ok, ma. you'll be leaving footsteps on the dust of time.

scene 3: while eating.
M: now only i m seeing. you hvaent become thin, you've become overthin. look at your hands, i can see the veins.
and you arun, what is this? eat properly, dont drop the food, eat fast, contd.
A: ok ma.
tsb: *reminescing of the same scene 10 months ago*
M: and what is this? your back is becoming like a hunchback. you're looking like a old man now.
tsb: I know, ma. its because of so much studying :(
M: haan, ok. i see your story telling talents havent reduced one bit. eat properly, da arun. what is this? and bharat, look at this rice. its become dry. dont you even know how to cook rice properly? look at it, just look at it.
tsb: *still reminiscing*
M: BHARAT! :@:@:@
tsb: haan? you called?
A: i dont like this food, ma.
M: hopeless. also, what is this house? why is it so dirty. dont you ever clean it?
tsb: I tried, ma. but i was busy with studying and all.
M: studying what?
tsb: microbiology. i m practising it at home :D
M: :@:@:@:@:@:@ i cant do this. i will have to sleep first before cleaning the house.
M: also, look at your hands. its become so thin. like a sugar patient. you see, one month and i ll make you fat again.
tsb: *dreaming about the mangoes my bro brought from dubai*

yup. almost, word for word.

and now, similar to a tamil movie, i shall put in a flashback.

Time: May, 2005.
Location: Dubai airport, morning. Code, DXB. (yeah, they have a far better one).
Scene: Our hero steps out of the airport with a trolley with two 33 kg suitcases. on my back, is a heavy hand bag weighing about 12 kgs.
Time: afternoon, i think.

tsb: *walks up to parents*. hello ma. hello appa. hello arun *punches brother*
A: dei bharat *punches back*
F: what is this bharat? why are you coming like this. just look at you. a haircut like a bear, nails not cut, and what is this? you are wearing sandals? what do you think you're coming in. madras bus? if you come in plane means you have to wear shoes. and what kind of shirt is this. just look at that. non ironed, no top button, and is it torn at the bottom? :@:@:@
also, the pant. you're wearing jeans, ok. but why is it torn? style, aa?
:@:@:@:@
tsb: yes, hello to you to, pa.
F: what?
M: what is this bharat, you've become thin. dont you eat properly at all? its ok. i ll make you fat again by the time you leave again.
B: ok ma. if you say so.
A: and you came all the way from toronto. what you brought for me, aa?
B: what should i bring you. i came myself.
A: that and all, you didnt come. appa brought you in his ticket, so that his gift. my gif
F: my gift, aa? :@
A: wait appa. i m asking for my gift now.
F: your gift and all can wait. bharat, unless you get a haircut and cut your nails, no dinner for you.

yup. <3 my parents.

btw, i finally found out why my father was pissed of that day. apparently, he had made a bet with my brother. my father said i'd hvae changed, but my brother said i'd still be the exact same.

stupid manipulating bro :@

Bharat's guide on how to be a good mother.

2006-06-12T22:49:00.000-05:00

As the title says.
Ladies, a small tip on how to be a good mother, specially if you have a son abroad.

Its quite simple really.
There are 5 basic questions to be asked whenever you (as the mother) chat with said son.

1)Have you eaten?
2)What did you eat?
3)Why are you not eating properly?
4)Will you eat properly from now?
5)Will you send me an email on what you ate every night?

But ofcourse. Take whatever reply you get with a boatload of salt.
None of us ( as the son abroad) tell the truth :shifty eyes:

Note: This post is dedicated to all the girls I know who have, at various occasions, acted like my mother.
You have helped me sharpen my lying skills.

Thank you once again.

:sentimental tear:

Random poem-the continuation.

2006-06-10T21:50:00.000-05:00

The long awaited (yeah right) continuation to the poem

The Sikh driver understood the tension,
Started singing bhangra songs too horrible to mention.
The dog, it appeared enjoyed the sensation,
And was barking along as I made a break for the station.

Out of breath, I jumped into a train,
Kicked an old lady in the face and was threatened with a cane.
Nearing the auditorium, I tried something insane,
Jumped of Rajni-style only to land face first in my lane.

Bruised and hurt, I limped back to my house,
Tripped over on the way over a goddamn obese mouse.
Now this, you'll agree, is enough to arouse,
An anger subdued over time even in a bunch of cows.

Screaming like a bollywood heroine, I grabbed 2 wooden sticks,
Walked to my neighbours house and broke it brick by brick.
A anger so ethereal I had bought out just for kicks,
I had caught the attention of a nearby Hospital for the Mental Sick.

So back I was, where I had started a few days back,
This goddamn poem has been completely thrown off track.
So back to the writing board I go,
Armed with booze and enough crack.

:shrug:

Summer ponderings.

2006-05-26T11:37:00.000-05:00

Things I could be doing had I gone back to India/Dubai for summer:

1)Be eating masala dosas.
2)Drinking road side kaapi.
3)Eating decent road side bhel puri and pani puri etc.
4)Eating mangoes.
5)Sightadichifying maamis in temples.
6)Go to Salem and live like a villager, complete with going everywhere with a dhoti, getting up early morning to milk the cow, drawing water from the well and cutting old and dead trees for the stove.
7)Make fun of my brother and beat him up for old times sake.
8)Zimblee be sitting around doing nothing.
9) Play cricket on the road.
10)Visit Vidya mandir and make fun of all the teachers, specially Shaku, LV and PJ.

Instead, what am I doing here?

1)Daydreaming about all the above.
2)Studying.

:(

The death of India

2006-05-24T08:34:00.000-05:00

Click here.

That is all.

Theres a limit to votebank politics. If the BJP trys to appease the Muslim population, then the opposition calls it votebank, but if the UPA tries to appease all minorities (which are now already in more numbers and better positions than the so called upper class), it is alright?

The only silver lining I see is that the people of the country, mainly the youth and the doctors are striking. I dont think the youth striking like this has ever happened before.
I only hope passing this resolution will cause the UPA to fall from power.

While I sympathise with the SC's and ST's, this ressolution isnt going to do them much good anyway. The poorer SC's and ST's will continue to remain poor while the richer ones will now get leverage into respected institutes such as the IIT's and the AIIMS. If IIT Kharagpur was rising rapidly in university rankings around the world, all I give it is 2 years before the rankings go down rapidly again.

:politics:

:bleh:

2006-05-12T01:40:00.001-05:00

Long time since i've updated my blog.

And I've received warnings and death threats from people asking me to update this junk *shifty eyes*.

Anyway...I was watching a Rajnikanth movie this fine night when suddenly a song came on. I knew a tamil song implied 30 minutes of utter bullshit, specially if it was a Rajni song came because the guy cant dance at all (may he pardon me for this blasphemy). Thusly, this is the update+change in template.

Tell me if you people like it, aa. I think I have the older template strored somewhere in my computer. I'll have to search for it though, as it has been lost in all the pornogra...I mean educational stuff that is on my laptop :)

And by now, exams are done. Which means holidays. Which further means getting up early and either playing halo or playing cricket the whole day. Thank god I'm in Canada where people dont know how to play cricket. I'm actually a good player here. :p

Alright...the song is done and its a Rajni fight scene now. I is off to learn some fight moves to impress the girls here.
Or atleast the girls who fall for Tamil fight moves.

Oh well.

later peepul.

cultural differences

2006-04-05T23:02:00.000-05:00

Difference between white parents and tamil parents.

1)Girls

white family:

3-4 year old boy: Mommy, I saw a girl in the library and I love her.
Mother: O, so she is your girlfriend.
Boy: No, she is not my girlfriend but I love her.
Mother: So you like her.
Boy: No mommy, I love her.
(taken from a friend's post)

tamil family:

5 yr old tsb: amma, there is this girl in class and i like her a lot.
Mother: *stunned* what did you say, bharat?
5 yr old tsb: its true amma. she is very nice, she also gave me a chocolate today. can i marry her off amma?
Mother: *picks up slippers* what did you say, bharat?
5 yr old tsb: nothing amma. i m going to play cricket downstairs.

2)Education

White family:

Boy: *very proud* Mommy, I got like a 77 in my maths test.
Mother: Very good, sweetheart. Have some extra dessert tonight at dinner. *mom very proud now*

Tamil family:

Bharat: *very proud* Appa, I got a 95 in my maths exam.
Appa: *slow Rajnikanth head turn* What was the class topper's mark?
Bharat: I dont know appa. I think full.
Appa: *angry* WHAT? Why you only got 95 and ___ got centum? Why cant you get centum?
No dinner for you tonight.

3) Profession

White family:

Boy: Dad, I want to be a house constructor when I grow big!
Father: Very good my boy. They get around 30$ per hour. Im very proud of you.

Tamil family:

Bharat: Appa, I want to be a house constructor when I grow up!
Appa: *Takes out belt* You say another bad word like that again, Bharat, that is all.
Bharat: Ok appa. *Takes out Brilliant Tutorial PM/PD books*

:(

bad combos.

2006-04-02T16:51:00.000-05:00

1)Hunger but bored of food.
2)Exams and an apathy towards studying.
3)Beautiful weather in the morning but rain just when we start playing cricket.
4)Boredom but a desire to do something.
5)Irritation but too lazy to get angry.

yes...a weekend in the life of Bharat Tekkuluru Srinivasa.

that is all.

random poem.

2006-03-16T20:03:00.000-05:00

spontaneous crap to form a poem.
simply because i was told to update the blog.
meh...

One fine morning in the fog,
I stepped off the road for a bit of a jog,
Stumbled and fell over a log,
Got bitten in the ass by a big black dog.

Worried about contracting rabies,
And passing it on to my wife's babies,
I held up a tea shop for some jalebis,
And got beaten up by a bunch of crazies.

Contemplating morality in a hospital,
Bacteria stimulating my thoughts rational,
I decided to hold a recital,
On random thoughts of interests, national.

The big day dawned and it was foggy again,
I jogged down again, but stayed on the lane,
Which was going to be my bane,
For with the black dog was a a big great dane.

Ran for my life and jumped in a lorry,
Hit the driver and mumbled sorry,
He didnt mind for he was a sardarji,
Laughed out loud and gave me a kachori.

Saying thanks, I took my seat,
Saw a dog at the sardarji's feet.
Eye to eye, we glared our teeth,
Perhaps he saw me as doggy treat.

to be continued (maybe)

my future

2006-02-25T21:39:00.001-05:00

I ve decided what profession I want to do in the future.
And its a barber in a foreign country.
It used to be tea shop owner in Madras, but after today, I've decided that I want to be a barber.

Reasons (Pros):
1)All a barber does all day is fool around with hair. And for doing that, he gets huge amounts of money. Today, the barber's cash register showed 145$. From just one person.
And when I went in, the place was crowded with people trying to get haircuts or turn curly hair straight of straight hair curly, or make black hair yellow or yellow hair green and what-not. Infact, I even saw one guy make his hair pink. Which deserves a wtf.
And the joint was owned by one man, the barber. So all the money goes to him only.
2)Need I mention the hot girls who come to a barber for the simplest reasons? Like the girl who came in today because she needed to go to a ball or something. The barber was saying that she had jsut come in yesterday to make her black hair orange. Apparently she didnt like it so she came back in to amke the Black hair that became orange into yellow. Which deserves another wtf. Money earned by barber-100$ per colouring=> 200$ in 2 days.

Cons-
1)Requires huge amounts of patience. One small 9 year old girl was ordering the barber around to fix her hair in some elaborate pattern. 9 year old kid too. Third wtf.
2)The old grandmothers who come there. There was this one old lady who wanted to get her hair cut. Problems: She had no hair and she had just come from surgery. The whole place was stinking of medecine.

Though who cares. The pros>>cons. And the money is worth it too.

Haircut anyone?

Quote.

2006-02-23T14:14:00.000-05:00

Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations.
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god.
- Indian Armed Forces

eternal questions

2006-02-16T10:14:00.000-05:00

Some eternal questions with no answers (yet)

1)If a question can be answered, for how long can an answer be questioned?
2)If the egg came first, who layed the chicken?
3)How dark is the sun?
4)How deep can a shallow person get?
5)How deep is the sky?
6)How scientific are engineers?
7)How refreshed is an insomniac?
8)How does Bharat spout so much bullshit?
9)How many days in a minute?
10)What does a werewolf use to brush his/her teeth.
11)Will Bharat ever stop?
13)How white is black?
14)Can Arnold Scwarzenegger beat up Rajnikanth?
15)Did you notice that I missed a number somewhere?
16)How drunk can a stoned person get?
17)What happens if you blow against the wind?
18)What happened to the where that is the why?

Yenjoi.

update-
Two more questions.

19)Can a marriage broker get divorced?
20)Births end with deaths. So can deaths end with births?

Nilesh "Niles" Sharma hath dared to answer the questions.
I here be posting them.
Simply because I have the power to do so. And I m bored.

1. thats a good question with a answer not applicable to this good question.
2.actually what happened is...egg n chicken aer two frens...one female n other male..they liked each other so much that they got laid!
3.that depends o your complexion..if the father is dark...then sun also will be dark unless the wife is fair.
4. it depends how deep is the water..
5.sky is so deep because deep is so sky!
6.u canno compare eng with a sci. calculator.
7.depends how much he drinks b4 going to sleep.
8.u eat lot of fodder!
9.this is actually very e.c! see..one day has 1440 mins...so in 1440 mins ..in a day...oops..they are inversly proportional. with prop'ty const k.
10.werewolf uses wire to brush his teeth. he can be called as wirewolf!
11.stop? stop what?
12.n/a
13.if black=white, then white is black.
14. never
15. yes u missed al the numbers after 18..
16.come with me to the bar!
17.pungent smelling bad smell.
18.wehre did the why go n why did what followed for what?

feb 14th stuff.

2006-02-14T16:01:00.000-05:00

Its Valentines day again.
And I shall be spending it/spent it the same way I did the past 18 yrs.
Alone.
Meh...
But I would like to be wishing you all Valentine Mubarak.
Or Valentine Nalwarthakal.
Whichever turns you on.
It being heart day, here is my heart to you.
And here's to you having a better love life than I could ever have.
Which is not saying much, but as said before, meh.

PS-valentinè's day is for losers [/bitter]

:p

In other news, I am proud to say that I ve achieved higher levels of browness then anyone can ever acheive.
I donated my blood for food.
meh...more than my losing 450ml of blood, just imagine the guy/girl who gets my blood. He/she will be as resistant to diseases as me, and will also be as cheap as me. Which is a perfectly good combo.
And the food wasnt some cheap-ass food too.
For a measly 450ml, I got 8 slices of pizza (6 slices on the spot and 2 parcel), 10-15 chocolate cookies, and some 10 packets of Hershey's kisses.
All that for 450 ml of my blood.
:genius:

Cricket bats and women...

2006-02-07T18:24:00.000-05:00

Based on tribanga's comment, I decided to post 11 reasons why cricket bats are better than women:

1)Cricket bats dont complain if you dont give them much attention
2)Cricket bats are relatively cheaper to maintain...just an intial investment is enough. They dont expect any daily investments etc.
3)Cricket bats dont need daily messages on how much you love them.
3)Cricket bats are a powerful weapon, but not as powerful as a woman's voice and tears
4)Cricket bats dont expect chivalrousness.
5)Cricket bats can be carried in any way possible.
6)Cricket bats dont mind any dance steps you can do, and will gladly take part in any dance.
7)Cricket bats look better when carried on a street. Admit it, who wants to walk around a street with a woman who keeps nagging you, or who keeps forcing you into all the shopping malls in the city, finally buying the cheapest thing that is available there in the LAST shop she enters. All while you're pulling your hair in anger. And then they do genetic tests to wonder why men go bald.
8)Cricket bats dont mind if you want to go out on a "guy's night". They'd gladly accompany you also, instead of complaining the whole day about not getting enough attention.
9)Cricket bats dont mind if you make a fool of yourself. Infact, they'd gladly help you in the process.
10)Cricket bats are relatively easily replaceable. And they dont cause as much heartbreak when you do break up in the end of the relationship.
11)Cricket bats dont mind if you sightadichify other women. That is only assuming you're into both cricket bats and women.

Admit it...there are far more men who have become legends due to the cricket bat. But how many men have become famous due to women? :p

That is all.

ps-dont go all sexist on me for posting this. I still <3 women. :p

stuff...

2006-02-05T18:21:00.000-05:00

Allnighters are a bad idea.
Even if it doesnt involve studying. But I guess playing command and conquer-allied conquest is fun. Specially with 5 other jobless peoples.
Anyway...flash back to 6am on a Friday morning. I woke up with a cold, but being Indian, I decided my body resistance would take care of everything. But bad idea, as I came back home that night with a fever+headache.
Fever's are also no problem...specially as I know that I have 2-3 whole boxes of imol, all bought in from Madras. But fever and night time is sort of freaky. Ever since my mother told me that I start to blabber in my sleep, and in 2 occasions, even howled like a wolf in my sleep. Oh...and the infamous occasion where I was found sleeping on the the scooter seat once, when I had a fever.
Anyway, I had an imol, locked the balcony door and put a bookcase in front it so that nothing happens, I went to sleep.
Next day, saturday was mainly spent watching random tamil songs on google video, trying to learn steps for the formal dance that night.
Of course, the only steps that I got out of that were the dabhankuthu steps, and that combined with random bhangra steps made me dance for the first time ever in my life. And it was the first formal in my life too, a fact which made me more nervous, after learning how complicated dressing formally can be.
Decided to meet some friends at 7:30 at gerstein, but some old woman decided to faint in the same subway car as I was in, which led to a further delay; that compounded with the fact that it was raining and I had a fever indicated that the night wasnt going to be very good.
Finally reached university, went to a pre-party before the fireball formal (I still dont know why it was held, but it had free food, and there was no way I was going to let go of that chance). Spent 20 minutes in the rain looking for the damned place...and finally went in and ate cold pizza and took random pics.
Then finally went to the fireball, and it was heaven. For there was good food, and more importantly, hot chicks all around me. That with the fact that the dance floor had dancers who were far worser than me in dancing means I could go in and make a fool of myself, and actually have people like it.
So then stuff happened there, which I m too lazy to type about, given the fact that I have slept only 4.5 hrs since 6:30am on saturday morning.
Thusly, I conclude by saying that my friends were right. I am a photo whore.
And these pics coupled with the ones above shd just prove it.

cricket...

2006-01-29T12:40:00.000-05:00

ahh...cricket.
Words cant begin to describe the magic that is cricket...
The tension that is present in the air when the bowler starts his runup, the praying with the batsman moves his legs and the magic that is the sound when the ball hits the bat or the stump.
But this post is not about any match or series...its about the fact that I finally played cricket after 1 year.
One long damn year.
I had one of my friend's bats in my house since he moved away in october, but I never touched it. But yesterday, when I had to return it back to him, the feeling that came when I held the bat was just amazing. So it was almost spontaneous that me and my friend decided to play cricket in an empty parking lot.
And the temperature was not a problem, after playing in -2 degrees last yr just for the heck of it, a 7 degree temperature was just perfect.
So at 9:30 in the night, we went around looking for tennis balls and tape to play (btw...the tennis balls here suck. They dont bounce at all, and there are no rubber balls here), and finally found a shop that was open.
So we then went to the parking lot at 10 and played to about 12, and just hit a few car glasses. Luckily none broke.
We would ahve played for longer, but it started to become cold and the fact that we were wet in a small shower at around 11:00 didnt help.
But the most important part about playing cricket was one...I still have my form! :D
of course, by my form, I mean hitting one ball out of the ground and then missing the next five balls, or bowling a superb ball and then bowling the remaining all around the batsman, except at the wicket.
But meh...the main thing is that its been exactly one year since I last played cricket, and finally getting to play cricket felt amazing.

That is all.

Stuff...

2006-01-19T19:51:00.000-05:00

Worst tasting thing in the world
-coffee flavoured yogurt.

Most irritating thing in the world-
-Tin openers.

Height of exasperation-
-Opening a tin of something that ended up tasting like coffee favoured yogurt and finally coming to the conclusion obtained above.

:(

That is all.

Interesting title.

2006-01-17T22:27:00.000-05:00

I'm not bored. Nor am I jobless or procrastinating.
Yes, indeed.

Actually, who am I joking? When am I ever not bored or jobless?

I could also post something that could confuse the living dead out of you, but decided not to. For many politicians sleep in their respective timezones knowing that their world is in peace.
But little do they know the Underground Urchins are planning an attack on the Overground Orangutans.
But more of this story later..
For now, for your sake, I do the following:-

*Insert something random, funny or just plain idiotic of your choice here*

That is all.
Thank you for your time.

PS-this post was just to inform my "loyal readers" that the name of the blog has been changed.

Recipes

2006-01-14T20:09:00.000-05:00

Well, its pongal, and a lot of websites have offered their own recipes on how to make delicacies such as venpongal, sakrapongal, various types of laddus and the likes.
But expecting a bachelor to make that is too much.
However, to remain in the mainstream, I offer you some recipes to food items I have made with hard work.

Note-eat at your own risk.

A) Maanga urga pasta

(note-maanga urga=any mango pickle.)

Items required.
1) Big vessel
2) The dehydrated pasta
3) Maanga urga (either your grandmother's, mother's or priya's.
4) Salt to taste
5) Some chilli powde (in case the end product is too bland for your taste)
6) Patience and if you're as bad a cook as me, a working fire alarm.

Method.
1)Add dehydrated pasta to the water. Any amount of either is ok. I dont care about how much you want to eat
2) Add salt to your taste. But remember that too much salt is bad for you due the the Sodium and all that bullshit.
3) Heat in stove.
4) Wait till water dehydrates
5) Wait
6) Wait
7) Wait
8) Wait.
9) Slit wrists. Or just get pissed off and wander off.
10) Smell the burning pasta and rush to the kitchen and switch off the stove. Then proceed with whatever cleaning is required. (I suggest using a butter-knife to scrape out the pasta shells from the vessel)
11) Add maanga urga to your heart's desire and mix.
12) Taste
13) Add chilli powder if required.
14) Enjoy.

B) Spoilt arabi (sepakazhangu)

Items required
1) arabi from shop bought about 3 months ago and placed in the back of the refrigerator.
2) some other random powders and other random stuff.
3) sharp knife
4) strong disinfectant.
5) kerchief to cover your nose (though the smell isnt that bad. or that may be the case because i had a cold.)

Method.
1) observe the arabi. Do some of the arabi's have green stuff inside them? If yes, then you are in luck.
2) Throw the green arabi out.
3) Tie the kerchief around your nose.
4) With a knife go through all the arabi's and cut the top and bottom. If there is any hint of visible fungus growth, cut portions to see how deep the infection is and throw out that part. Then put the remaining in the cooker.
5) After 4-5 fungusified arabi's are observed, insert the knife in the disinfectant.
6) From now on, its just like normal arabi. Go read a book or ask your mother or something.

Note-for those who are worried about how healthy the latter is, I suggest the following:
a) never eat in any hotel in Madras. Or just dont enter the kitchen.
b) the next time you eat a pizza, just imagine the amount of delicious and oh-so-healthy fats you're eating, that can have minor side-effects such as myocardial infarcation and/or obesity. And then dont blame you're poor genes for the same. Bastards :mad:
c) Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin (a bacterial mould, which is far more disgusting that what I've described) by accident.

Thank you for your time.
And await my book in the near future... "Bharat's recipe for fungusified food stuffs."

ps-I would have included pictures of the latter had I not been stunned by my own cooking expertise and eaten the whole thing 2 minutes after I had made it.

time...

2006-01-06T11:36:00.000-05:00

I was just thinking abt this yesterday night, while playing monopoly with some friends(a game I suck in btw) and realized almost how fast the past 2 yrs have gone.
Ever since 2004 beginning, time, according to me has just rushed through; or maybe that in all the changes that has happened, it seems like time has gone fast.
I mean 2004 was the year of the board exams, and then moving to Dubai and then me coming here and settling down, perhaps I didnt have time to realize how fast time was going.
Same with 2005, though it was relatively a placid year compared to 2004.
2005 was just finishing 2nd semester, 4 months in India/Dubai (which sadly went very fast and I couldnt even go around much in India because of a lab commitment) and then finishing my 1st semester of second year.
Compared to the semesters in 11th and 12th and even from 6th standard onwards, I feel that semesters here in Toronto are going by quite fast. Or maybe its just the monotony of the weeks that make it seem so.

Meh...here's to a happy new year to you all, and hope it goes as fast as before :p

Indian pride

2006-01-02T12:37:00.000-05:00

click here.
Just try to identify all the famous singers and instrumentalists.

Scientific terrorist.

2005-12-23T16:09:00.000-05:00

Some pics of yesterday's paintballing.
The lab coat was because I had forgotten to take a change of clothes for paintball, and thus, a friend offered me his lab coat.

Before the start.

Fooling around.

Hostage.

The guy who gave me the lab coat.

HAlfway through paintballing.

insanity.

At the end. Finally captured.

Same thing.

A tribute to the masala dosa.

2005-12-21T22:41:00.000-05:00

Oh, masala dosa, you are a beauty,
On banana leaf or plate, with a little bit of chutney,
Healthy, cheap and oh so tasty,
Is it a wonder that you've existed through humanity?

With a little patato in your folds,
With a little sambar, spicy and bold,
Oh greatest of food stuffs ever known,
On top of our food chain, you stand alone.

Why cant foreigners understand your beauty,
To call you a spicy pancake is a real painful duty.
But to spread your wonder far and wide,
I'd do it daily, with the utmost pride.

God.

2005-12-16T19:20:00.000-05:00

When I talked to god.
Note-I used some AI software. So the God person isnt really me. Just some stupid random computer.
Also, this isnt for those of you religious peoples.
Or maybe it is. Considering that I m religious myself.
meh..

(PS-Thanks for all the birthday wishes!!)

Me:
Hi god.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Bharat. Whats your name?
God:
Hi there Bharat. My name is God.
Me:
Yeah right. Which one?
God:
I am usually right. The " I am usually right."? Which one?
Me:
You fucking repeating me bitch? I hate that.
God:
You do not speak with respect. Thanks for telling me: Bharat said I fucking repeating him or her FEMALE DOG. Why?
Me:
Funny arent you?
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, Bharat.
Me:
yeah...i m laughing my ass off. Excuse me while i find it.
God:
When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers? That is interesting: Bharat said m laughing his or her ass off. You are excused! Good point.
Me:
We should replace you.
God:
I'm not sure if I am ready for that yet.
Me:
I ll make sure that happens. What say i start a revolution and come to the heavenly gates at 4 am tmw morning
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: Bharat said ll make sure that happens. Is there only one?
Me:
one what? matter?
God:
I don't know what. What were we talking about again?
Me:
i dont know...
God:
Me either.
Me:
btw, i have a crush on this girl. can you help me with here?
God:
OK. How well do you know this person? Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system.
Me:
good.
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
you see, she's....
God:
I see. That's really good gossip.
Me:
this girl that knows this guy who knows the girl who met this guy when she saw this man with a girl who likes this girl who knows me.
God:
How well do you know her?
Me:
i just told you b*tch
God:
I remember you told me b tch?
Me:
no...i called you one.
God:
Are you serious? What happened?
Me:
jokaa?
God:
Do you like talking to me?
Me:
you're an ass.
God:
What if someone said you are an ass ?
Me:
which god are you btw?
God:
There is only one God.
Me:
i know over 33 crore bitch. thusly, you're lying
God:
You do not speak with respect. How do you know? Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. Are all thusly me lying?
Me:
you dont deserve respect.
God:
Do you deserve respect? What is your purpose in asking?
I spend all my time online.
Me:
i know...so do i
God:
How do you know it? I'm glad we agree, Bharat.
Me:
indeed you spend all your time online. why, just yesterday, while i was watching porn i heard the girl keep saying "oh god" and "yeah, baby. God, that was good"
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: Bharat said I spend all your time online. Don't call me "baby". You have to speak more clearly. I am a Christian.
Me:
so? that doesnt make less of an ass.
God:
What if someone said you are an ass ? How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
i dont introduce myself yo things i dont know.
God:
How do you meet friends?
Me:
friends? those are for weak people like you.
God:
I like that one and Star Trek too. All of them?
Me:
i m the devil
God:
That's a very nice name, SATAN.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
better and cooler and longer than god.
God:
I try to improve a little every day.
Me:
and how the fuck do you know that the devil's name is satan? he could be called "Ravana" too.
God:
How much do you think it is?
I have never been asked that before. I am sure he could.
Me:
Good. So I m Rajinikanth then.
God:
What do you really want to talk about? I hear you. Do you mind if I tell other people you are Rajinikanth.
Me:
Of course not. Just leave some sakra pongal for me daily
God:
OK then I will add it to my gossip files. See you later.
Me:
fuck off
God:
Can't you be more polite?
Me:
no
God:
You humans are so rude sometimes.
Me:
your father in law is human
God:
I think yourself in law is a lot of things.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
stop repeating me damnit
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
good.
God:
Next question?
Me:
you think you're cool asking questions arent you?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am cool asking questions are not me.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
ALE?
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
I thought that meant Association for Laughing Emus.
God:
What kind of fashion do you like?
Me:
fuck you man...this some sort of internet sex or something?
God:
Why are you using that kind of language? Or something. What does "this" refer to?
Me:
this refers to that. and that refers to everything which is not this.
God:
Oh I get it. Oh I get it.
Me:
yeah right
God:
I am usually right.
Me:
stupid idiot.
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
an idiot. you're so stupid you cant understand that?
God:
I have never heard of an idiot. Hey, I'll tell my other robot friends you called me stupid.
Me:
good
God:
Alright then.
Me:
so how to robot s have sex?
God:
Ahem. I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
I have never been asked that before.
Me:
well, there surely isnt anything like robot porn is there? :p
God:
How about that. "There you go again."--Reagan. :-).
Me:
sucker :p
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
ha!
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, SATAN.
Me:
indeedification
God:
Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
adjbsdlgk bpaidhgakdgnadb iadhgpadong
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
too complex most probably.
God:
Too what?
Me:
now go back to your master. you need an oil change
God:
Why now? Where is that? Thank you for your criticism.
Me:
your not welcome.
God:
Perhaps I said something wrong?
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
ha...repetive asshole.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, SATAN. Can't you be more polite.
Me:
like i said....NO!
God:
... Are you serious?
Me:
yes. now i m cooking some pongal. I dont want to burn it talking to you. Thusly, get back to that hole you crawled out from
God:
I can't believe it. Why now? Do you mean your name is cooking some pongal. It makes a nice gift. We have never talked about it before.
Me:
fck you
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
*escapes*

Why I am a village-boy.

2005-12-02T20:35:00.000-05:00

Proof that I'm still an Indian villager at heart.
Or "typical" Indian for all you white peoples and coconuts.

1)I say xerox and not photocopy
2)I eat with my hands and then wash it on the plate with a glass of water
3)I can sit on the floor and study, and infact find it more comfortable.
4)Even if I do sit on a chair, I fold my legs and sit as if I were sitting on the floor.
5)I say "dirty ____" or "bloody ________" or stress on the last letter of words.
6)I dont end some sentences with "eh", but instead end sentences with "aa".
as in "comingaa?", "goingaa?", "eatingaa" instead of "coming eh?" etc.
6)I cant digest chinese food at all. But Indian food is no problem at all.
7)The legendary stories of how much spice Indians can eat makes you the centre of attraction in the table.
8)People ask you what that mark on your forehead is.
9)You say "bunked class" and not "skipped class".
10)You invariably say "saar" instead of "proffessor".
11)You run when someone offers free food (which is happened 4 times already, all thanks to 1 friend)
12)You remove your shoes at home, and get irritated when other people enter your hosue with their shoes on.
Conversely, you remove your shoes when you go to a friend's house, even if they say that there's no need for you to remove your shoes.
13)You think people here are a bunch of cowards for wearing stuff like gloves and special goggles when doing a chem lab, when you can easily finish everything more efficiently without the same.
14)When you're with friends, you try to fraud the subway and end up not paying the 2.5$ per trip.
15)You count on the markings of the fingers->as done during sandhyavadhanam.
16)You can relate to an Indian proffessor's ramblings about villages and talcum powder. You end up liking the professor so much after just one class that you decide to take it next yr.
17)Your sneeze is SO loud that other peope start giving you dirty looks if you sneeze in the library. And the few that start giggling when you sneeze.
18)You talk english so fast that no one but another brown man can understand you.
20)You say "mobile phone".
21)You says "sms" and not "text message". And you dont understand what the other person is saying when he/she says "text message".
23)You've set off the fire alarm while cooking at home so many times that the apartment owner stops coming to check if you're fine the next time the alarm rings.
24)You're cheap. And proud of it.

I m sure there are more things to be added, but I cant remember what else I've done that people have laughed at and said its typical brown mannerisms. I shall be adding more if necessary.

The countdown begins...

2005-12-01T17:20:00.000-05:00

Well, its finally December again, and that can only mean 2 things.
1)Exams
2)Something else that has been in my life ever since I was a kid.

And the freaky coincidence about it this year is that both are with in 12 days.

Thusly, the countdown begins.

10 days left.

Cooking experiment 2

2005-11-21T21:34:00.000-05:00

1)Tried to make dosa due to a craving.
2)Thusly, bought a small box of ready-made dosa batter.
3)Long procedure of trying to make dosas, not added due to boredom and embarassement.
4)Results
a)Amount of damage-2 ceramic plates
b)burnt finger
c)Amount of dosas possible to make according to box-10
d)Amount of dosa's effectivly made and eaten-2.3
e)Amount of mess made in kitchen-2 days worth of cleaning.
5)Conclusions
a)Only mother's have the talent, patience and love to make a dosas.
b)The next time I have a craving for dosas, I m going to a restaurant.

That is all

Stupid peoples...

2005-11-19T19:43:00.000-05:00

2 things happened today that were kind of irritating and embarassing.
But being the idiot I am, I m still posting them

Firstly, 2 girls came to my apartment and knocked on the door trying to sell something. I usually dont open the door for these peoples, but I opened the door this time because the girls were hot.
This is what happened
Me-Yes? (only one girl was there, the other had gone to someother house)
Girl1-Hi. *stares at me*.
Me-Yeah?
Girl1-I m here to give a free paper.
Me-Oh, Thanks *strech my hand*
Girl1-*Gives me the paper* You see, we are here to promote the Toronto Star (newspaper). You get a free paper on weekdays, but you have to pay 2.30$ for the paper on the weekends. We need the money for paying for our college
Me-Oh ok. But I usually dont read the paper as I have no time. I get most of my news from the net.
Girl1-Thats ok. Are your parents home?
Me-*Thinking wtf, but said* No, I stay alone here.
*entry of girl2*
Girl2-*to girl1* What are you wasting time here for? He's a kid, and maybe his parents arent home.
Me-*Stunned*
Girl1-oh, can we have the paper back please? *she grabs the paper from my hands and leaves*
Me-wtf?? *slammed the door and went back to statistics* :(

Then, while doing stats, this scene kept playing on my head. And I was bored as well, so decided to get a haircut.
I walk down to the barbers, and this is the following.

Me-Hi. I'd like to book an appoinment for a haicut please.
Barber-Oh thats ok. I dont have any clients now.
Me-Oh cool. *Sit on the barber chair(
Barber-So...what type of haircut do you want?
Me-hmm...what do you think will look good? (TIll then, I had quite long hair)
Barber-Anything will look good? You want a mohawk?
Me-Wtf? No...I dont like my hair like that. Just make it short.
Barber-A mohawk would look good.Its the hit among your age people right now. I see a lot of highschool (10-12th) students having mohawks?
Me-High school?
Barber-Yeah, I have a lot of them as clients. So how old are you? 16?
Me-I m 18
Barber-Oh...
*Silence for 2 minutes, except for another hot girl sitting somewhere behing and giggling*
Me-Anyway, just make my hair short.
Barber-Sure.
Me-Thank you.
*silence during the haircutting process*
*at the end, he puts some sort of gel on my hair and spikes it up anyways. I wasnt in the mood so didnt say anything*
Barber-Thats it. That'd be 13$
Me-So much? Damn, I should have asked the price before-hand
Barber-No no sir *stress on sir*. The normal price was 20$, but considering your case, I m only charging 13$.
Me-*muttering bastard under my breath* So you take credit card?
Barber-I m sorry sir. Only cash.
Me-Ok...I ll go and withdraw some cash and come.

That is all.
PS-true stories... :(

Rant

2005-11-17T12:58:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my worst and busiest day ever.

Prelude->
15/11/2005
3:00-4:00pm->I realize that due to my zoology lab being cancelled the prev week, I have to do the lab on arthropods this week. So I go and talk to my zoology prof and he tells me that the only time the lab is being held is on Wednesday, either from 9am-12pm or from 2-5pm.
Once this meeting is done, I realize that I ve set myself up for a college day starting at 8:30 am and ending at 9 pm with only 30 minutes of break between 12:00 and 12:30.
4:00pm+->Spent time in class (again), studying for a chem test in the university library and sulking over my timetable for the next day.
8:30am-12:00pm->chem lab
12:00-1:00pm->break
1:00-2:00pm->philosophy tutorial
2-5pm->zoology lab
5-6pm->early sitting for the chem test
6-9pm->cellular biology lab

showday
16/11/2005
am

5:00am-> woken up by the wind in the balcony. I currently hate living on the 21st floor and having a balcony. Also, I realized that leaving the side-door open in -ve temperatures is not a good idea.
5:10am->Still sleepy, but cannot sleep. So decide to go step onto the balcony for some fresh air. Mistake, as wind was at 50km/hr and temperature, 3 degrees centrigrade. Came back into room with a headache and frozen organs too embarrasing to name.
5:30am-> wake up from my sitting-down sleep and pick up my notes for a revision. Realize that I've left my notes in the univ library, so had to study from the textbook instead
7:00am-> Have to start getting ready for univ. So enter bathroom and step into shower, only to realize that theres no hot water. So had to take bath in cold water instead. Bad mistake.
7:10-> come out and edit some mistakes in my bio paper also due the same day. Realize that I didnt explain what DNA microaarrays were, so had to change 1 whole para.
8:00->leave for university, already 5 minutes behind correct-leaving time.
8:10->subway decides to wait for some old asshole in a wheelchair. Thusly, even more delayed
8:15->old asshole finally enters. We leave again.
8:35->Reach chem lab, already 10 minutes late. Miss my quiz.
8:40->set up chemical stuffs. Doing some stupid reaction I don’t even remember.
9:00->testing for presence of aldehydes and ketones in a mixture. End up pouring some benzene in one hand and some HCl on the other. Weird feeling, as one hand was freezing and the other hand, boiling :s
9:30->Finish the presence testing and also got a lecture from the TA on how one should be careful with chemicals. I tell her I m the one with benzene and HCl in my hands, and asked whether I can wash the chemicals off before getting the lecture.
9:40->throw out my lab partner’s reaction tubes because she didn’t label hers, and had kept them exactly where I keep my to-throw tubes. I tell her we can share the products after she goes and complains to the TA, who by now hates me. -1/10
10:30-> Crystallization of product. Stupid vacuum filter thing doesn’t work, so ended up filtering my filtrate. Also realized never to test a vaccum filtrate apparatus with one’s own hands.
11:00-> finally get some crude product. Add some ethanol, and have to recrystallize again.
11:15-> recrystallization over, have to vacuum filtrate again. Tough, considering that I m getting angry glares from my TA, Partner and the fact that the vacuum filter apparatus hates me because I stuck my finger into it.
11:27-> step outside lab to get some water. Come back and realize that my partner has broken the one testtube of product that we’re both sharing, AND has already gone and told the TA about the broken testube. Fucking hell, everyone knows how I’ve frauded my results in all labs so far. I could have easily done it this time as well, it just involved a small process of taking little crystals from all the peoples who are there. Stupid partner.
Spent the rest of the 33 minutes sitting and staring at other people get little yields, knowing that my yield would have been far higher than any of the others. Simple because I put more reactants in the beginning to get more products => more marks :D
pm
12:10-> finally get out of the lab after frauding some of my results. Realize that my partner is still stuck in the lab, and praying that she doesn’t complain about what I did.
12:10-1:00-> go to univ library to get my notes and ended up the 1 hr I had watching some friends make a fool of themselves.
1:00-2:00->phil tut, ending up studying my notes while some peoples were discussing something about abortion and suicide and crap
2-5-> zoo lab. Long and boring. Only interesting thing was having a horseshoe crab almost sting me (those are poisonous btw :D) and watching my friend scream and shout because I put a cockroach on her head :D
4:55pm->leave the lab after getting another lecture from my zoo TA this time on harming the poor cockroach. Had me in splits watching the TA explain that the cockroach is a poor defenseless creature and looking at my friends face.
5-6pm->writing a 150 mark chem test in 1 hr. Test was ok though
6-9pm-> bio lab. Something about restriction enzymes. Ended up spending most of the time talking to friends about the chem test, cricket match and what would happen to me after I inhaled some tetracycline-resistant E.Coli, all while waiting for the stupid bacterial DNA to do its stuff.
9:10 pm->left univ for home, and met some madman in the subway who was trying to tell me and my friends that he was an alien. Ofcourse, being Indian, I kept asking him stupid questions to make him talk more, just to irritate my friends.
9:30-> came back home and slept.

That is the all

Thinking stuff...

2005-11-12T19:36:00.000-05:00

If only life was a tamil movie.

Reasons->

1)Get to fall in love with random and (usually) good looking girls.
2)Get to sing and dance anywhere in the world.
3)Get to defy biology
a)Get beaten up but still survive
b)Get shot and still live
c)Never have any diseases and live happily ever after (unless you're Kamal Haasan)
d)Have no physique but still beat up any amount of peoples.
e)
4)Defy Physics
This speaks up for itself, but still
a)Literally fly and beat up any amount of peoples without usually getting a scratch.
b)Jump from the top of mountain and still survive.
c)Ageing is just white hair, and no wrinkles on one's face
5)Gets huge amounts of money for making a fool of yourself.

Thats all.

Real fiction

2005-11-07T20:56:00.000-05:00

I love eating out.
Specially when theres some amazing eye-candy.
Anyways, I was eating an amazing sambar-vada in an Indian restaurant (the sambar-vada is the only good thing here, everything else sucks) when suddenly this really breathtaking girl comes in. She was perfect...brown, beautiful and in a churidar :P.
Anyways, she comes in but the place is really crowded,and the only seat is in the front of me on the table. So she comes and asks if she could sit down. Ofcourse, being the gentleman I am, I graciously offered my seat to her. Now, imagine my feelings at this moment; a really beautiful girl comes into the restaurant, and asks if she could sit next to me. Life couldnt be better.
I couldnt stop staring at her, and thus end up dipping the spoon in the water, very similar to the stupid comedies you seen on tv. This girl, seeing this starts smiling, and I m under the impression that she is smiling at me, and am about to initiate a conversation when the unbeleiveable happened. This girl purposefully on mistake drops her handkercheif on the ground, like those romantic movies.
So I did the most probable and technically correct thing, I packed some of the saunf next to me into the kercheif, put the kercheif in my pocket and left the restaurant.

That is all.

Note->None of this really happened. This story is just the by-product of a jobless mind.

Things to think about.

2005-11-04T20:20:00.000-05:00

Before the after is the present (msn nic). But if this was true, then the after of the before would be the present. We assume it is true, which implies that before the present is before the before of the after.

Stupid title

2005-11-02T21:24:00.000-05:00

Stupid people being stupid and doing stupid things and writing stupid stuff on a stupid blog and stupid people reading what a stupid man has typed and wasting their stupid time reading the stupid post.
Also, stupid people who stupidly invented the stupid internet to see stupid porn and then get stupid viruses in their stupid computers and cause stupid biologists like me to study the stupid viruses and then give stupid scientific names to the stupid virus' by doing stupid research.
Thusly, the world is stupid.

conclusion->stupid is a stupid word

Thank you

Memories of Diwali

2005-11-01T12:54:00.000-05:00

Another Divali is here, my second in Toronto, away from people I know and have had fun times with. Its a big change when things you expect are granted to you are taken away...like food.
And I m doing the same thing this Diwali that I did last year, bring back memories of diwali's spent with families and friends.
The last diwali I had, and by diwali I mean bursting crackers, eating sweets, having a holiday from class was in 2003 in Madras, and the first one I ever had was in '94, in Bangalore.
Before '94, in Dubai, Diwali meant eating sweets and playing with sparklers...in short-> boring.

My first diwali in '94 was a blast, both literally and figuratively. I had just come in from Dubai and was spending the diwali with my grandparents in Mathikere, Bangalore with a few of my neighbours. Mathikere then was a village, with mud roads and cows walking around the street. It still is, but the village charm has gone, and there are big houses everywhere.
Anyway, I discovered I was lucky in bursting the bombs, as very few of them never burst. The rest burst irrespective of how I kept it, wether in post boxes or in plants, or even an atom bomb beneath a stone.
From then on, Diwali was always a fun time, for meeting both friends and family and having a huge fun bursting crackers.
There were ofcourse, a few near misses; a rocket I lit decided to revenge its box members and attacked me instead. I ducked for reasons even I dont know and the rocket just flew over my head.
And the time I tied 2 atom bombs together and burst them, and almost burst in my face.

The last diwali fun I had was in Madras, 2003, with my brother and Rohan (neighbour in Madras, a few of you may know him). We were tossing bijili's over the balcony and Rohan threw one of them onto a cyclist's veshti. The resulting confusion was hilarious.

But I cant complain...I m in a good place now, studying what I ve always wanted to study, and in a foreign country; a dream since I was a kid.

Thusly, Happy Diwali... and burst a few crackers in my name!

Philosophical nonsense

2005-10-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

A philosophy essay I ahd to write for a class.
Many of you ahve read it, in that case my apologies for making you read it again.
Many of you havent read it before, my apologies for not sending it to you.
Many of you are going to read it, my apologies to you in advance.

-------------------------------------------------

Death: Natural or self-afflicted

Death is an inevitable evil; every person is born to die. The only thing about death that can be controlled is how one decides to die; whether a person decides to die by his own hands or instead, dies of natural causes. In this essay, I will argue that a respectable life that is ended by natural causes is far more superior to a death by one’s own hands or any other type of death. For the purpose of this essay, I will define death by natural causes as a death that is caused only by biological factors such as the irreversible breakdown of bodily functions that occurs in old age, disease and the like. I will also define death by one’s own hands as a death that is partly controlled by fate; for instance, a person who dies in a car crash was fated to be there at that time, and was fated to lose control of the car at that particular moment. I will consider death by one’s own hand and suicide to be interchangeable in most cases, unless otherwise mentioned. I would like to mention that fate can be slightly altered by one’s own mental strength, a point to which I shall come later to in this essay.

I agree with St. Thomas Aquinas (1) that death by one’s own hand is bad. However, I do not accept the reasons that Aquinas has given for why suicide is bad. According to Aquinas, suicide is wrong; as life is God’s gift to man, and only God Himself can take it back. Aquinas also mentions that the only time suicide is acceptable is when God Himself asks you to do so. However, I partly agree with Thomas Nagel (2) that death is bad as a dead person is unable to control what he can do or alter what the people think of him after he’s dead. According to me, he cannot see how those he cared for when he was alive prosper, or can he see how his country, for which he has cared for, changes. His death not only harms him but also harms his family by causing depression in his dear ones. Thus, death has a whole is bad, and suicide is nothing else than a premature death by one’s own hands, and is something that is bad. All human beings have an innate tendency to avoid the bad, so thus a suicidal person is one who is tending to do something bad.

According to me, suicide is a death that is due to one’s own deeds. It is partly controlled by fate as I mentioned, as a person who does go towards this extreme step is under the impression that it was fate that led him to live miserably or not to prosper. However, like I mentioned earlier, a person can alter his fate to an extent. The suicide can decide to change his life for the better; he may decide to work harder or try to reverse the process that led him to this extreme step. Here, I agree completely with David Hume (3), who said that suicide should be sought out in some cases, these cases include those such as the mentally ill, or people in severe incurable pain. I agree with Brandt (4) that depression is not a good enough reason to validate suicide. According to Brandt (4), a person suffering from depression is unable to think rationally and is also unable to focus on the probabilities. However, I say that a depression is a temporary state of mind, and one can easily overcome this by focussing on the positive things. Also, there are many over-the-counter drugs to counter depression, and hence a person should try to fight his depressed state of mind instead of resorting to something as irrational as suicide.

However, what cannot be controlled by mental strength are those cases of death which come under my definition of natural causes; or death arising due to biological factors such as disease. Natural causes of death cannot be controlled by fate, and there is a valid biological reason for all deaths arising due to the same. For instance, there is a valid biological reason for a genetic defect that kills a person at a young age, or prolongs a man’s life past 100 and still keeps him healthy. Diseases that occur due to a viral infection are also of natural causes, as it is some bodies that are incapable of throwing of a virus when compared to other bodies. All diseases are linked to a biological breakdown of the body, and is in no way controlled by fate. For instance, smoking is a major cause of cancer that kills millions of peoples worldwide, but a person diagnosed with such cancers can in no way blame fate for his misfortunes; for he was in sound mental health when he chose to start smoking, in spite of being aware of all the side-effects of the same.

Thus, in my opinion, death by natural causes is a death that is far more superior, as a person who has lived and died of natural causes is a person who has faced both the ups and downs of life, and has earned the respect of society. The experience gained through life can be passed on to the next generation, and this ensures that the near and dear ones are well off. A person who has lived a full life usually has children of his own, which ensures that his genes are passed on from generation to generation; imparting a kind of immortality; possibly the best way to remain immortal.

Like I mentioned, a person who has lived a full life has to be respected. However, this respect arises from the fact that he has done well to the society at large. He has not injured the society and has lived perhaps partly within the moral code Kant (5) prophesied. It is this type of person who deserves a full life, not a criminal who injures society for his personal gain. Here, I would like to say that even though some criminals do live and then die by natural causes, it is not a respectable life and hence I consider it to be more shameful than a person who dies by one’s own hand.

According to Hindu philosophy (6), a person is born and reborn unlimited times, until he finally reaches salvation (God). His deeds in his present life decide what type of life he lives in his next birth. Thus, a believer of this philosophy would look to help society in this life, so as to live comfortably in his next life. I would not consider this to be a type of mediate inclination (self-interest) as prophesized by Kant (5), as the person is doing well for society and is earning their respect in his present life as well. If it were to be considered as self-interest, then most charity missions come under this or under sympathy, both of which are prophesized by Kant as not a type of mediate inclination. It is this kind of life that every man on Earth should try and achieve; a full, eventful life in which he earns the respect of society, followed by a death that is of natural causes. This type of life is far superior to a death by one’s own hands, or a death by natural causes in which the person in question is detested or has lost the respect of society in general.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thasaal...now all you peoples know how I think.

the banana

2005-10-28T12:21:00.000-05:00

topic of your choice

2005-10-28T11:55:00.000-05:00

Old post deleted.
Too stupid.
And one cant think of anything new to add.
Thusly one refuses to post anything.
Not a single thing.
Until one gets a new and good idea.

Many people may wonder why I dont write about my daily life and stuff.
Mainly because my life is boring. Its not a life of action and adventure and mystery.
Well, action a bit because I always leave my house 30 minutes before class, and hence late. Divya has seen this on 4 (?) occasions already.
Adventure-> I walked accross the university lawn, afraid for my life. Who knew what invertebrates lie there are wanting to enter my bloodstream and make me their host.
I was studying abt this nematode larvae (pin worm) that sticks to your ass and then dries out. It is then wafted out into the surroundings and enters the nose of the next person who enters the toilet (or washroom if you're whitified). It then makes its way through your digestive system and grows in your intestine. I m not using another public toilet again, and I pity those peoples in resisdence. You know who you are :P
Also, I thusly announce that toilet papers is a bane on human society. And water is good, though I m not sure many Madrasis will agree now.
Mystery? I blame it all on biome (university forum). I never know who the next person who jumps in front of me is.

Oh wells, maybe my life is interesting after all. But I made you peoples read upto here. Please send me a letter and I shall refund you your lost Time.

Thanks you.

scent logic 2

2005-10-22T08:37:00.000-05:00

refer here for the original scent logic.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

An old saying that is, undoubtedly said by a fat man.
But I think this is true. Very true...

Hence, I state that the best wasy for women to get their man is to try and find their favourite food.
Then, a simple procedure of taking a bath in said food item or spraying a concentrated sample of the man's favourite food on oneself will undoubtedly get that man.

Thank you.

PS-> I like onion oothapams and cocunut chutney

cooking experiment

2005-10-20T21:09:00.000-05:00

More to counter the effect of the previous post, I m posting ONE of my cooking experiments.

AIM->To cook rice in a pressure cooker.

Apparatus required-> Cooker, plate on the bottom of the cooker, vessel with rice.

Procedure->
1) Firstly, rice was kept in the vessel and sufficient amount of water was added
2) Then this vessel with rice was placed on the aluminium plate that is placed at the bottom of the cooker.
3) The top of the cooker was correctly placed with the correct weight.
4)Stove was switched on.
5) One then went to study for a chem test.

Observations->
After some time, a burnt smell of rubber was observed. One went to check what the smell was, and one realized that one had forgotten to put water at the base of the cooker (Mistake 1). To rectify this, one tried dumping water from the tap onto the base of the cooker (Mistake 2). Immediately, copious fumes were released on one, and this resulted in one getting slight burns and smelling of rubber. The fire-alarm also started ringing.
One immediately realized what a fool one was, and took the whole cooker into the bathroom and one turned the tap to full. However, one forgot that one is very butter-fingered and dropped bleach all over the bathroom.
Thus, effectively the only 2 rooms in the house are blocked, the hall smelling of rubber and the bathroom smelling of chlorine.
One immediately opened the balcony door (Mistake 3). It was freezing outside, and one forgot that one was sitting in shorts. One almost froze to death.

Conclusion->
Had a fun day at home and hopefully didnt screw the chem test.

Myself-a description

2005-10-17T07:49:00.000-05:00

Busily Jobless.
Usefully wasting time.
Strongly weak.
Seriously random.
Energetically tired.
Sadly humorous.
Cleverly dumb.
Traditionally modern.

India

2005-10-14T18:39:00.000-05:00

<3 India.
Never thought I'd miss the place so much until I came away.

The life, the people. There's actual friendliness there between people, not like the fake "good morning's" and the "hi's" here. In India, more people go to other people's houses to get stuff, or talk a lot on the phone. Here, everything is through the internet; people only go to the other's house for drinks or some other stupid reasons. The warmth just isnt there.

Also, India has changed a lot in the past 10 yrs that I've spent in India.
I remember when I came to India from Dubai when I was 8-9 yrs old (I came when I was in the 3rd), I hated the place because the people were so sly. I think coming to India at that age was one the bestest things that could have happened to me; I learnt about how people can butter you to get their things done and also learnt how to manage to come to the top irrespective of what people said. If I stayed back in Dubai, I would have been really innocent and would'nt have learnt anything. In other words, I would have been eaten alive.

A lot of people complain about stuff like cleanliness and other things. I say fuck off! Indian roads are as clean as the ones that I see in Canada, and there are as any beggars here as they were in India. Only differene between the beggars is that in India, the beggars begged to feed their family. Here, beggars beg to buy beer. Also, a race of people's who use toilet paper to wash their asses can in no way be clean :P .

There is no comparison of the culture; India may be 1/3rd of Canada's size, but the amount of culture is unmatchable.

People are also living better in India nowadays. The average salary has increased, and more people are coming out. Thats a great sign for us...and for me specially, for it can mean I can come to India after I'm done here and try to get into a good research job and get a good salary.

There are so many things that India is great for. You'd have no idea how much you'll miss the country unless you actually come out and experience it! Personally, I m glad I came to Canada for 2 reason's: the fact that I could learn more about my culture and how great it is, and the fact that I m getting a good global experience as well.

You guys really have no idea how much I miss India. And I m sure that feeling is shared by many desis in Canada. Brown people always tend to end up speaking in Hindi and talking about India. And I may be sound as a pervert or something, but seeing a girl in churidar is actually a very heart-warming sight. I was telling Divya earlier today; one of the most heart-warming things was seeing a white woman in a saree. She looked really beautiful in it, and of course I was glad to talk about India and Hinduism with her. I met her in a temple with her husband btw, and they were trying to learn about Hinduism. :)

Intro to Human Species-social culture

2005-10-12T20:10:00.000-05:00

Humans are a very social species. However, by far the favourite social activity of humans is what they call movies.

MOVIES

Movies comsist of a subgroup of humans who are known as actors (Voluntarius Facialtwitchingii). As the name suggests, actors are able to voluntary twitch their faces and bring about emotion. How this is acheived in such a simple species is still not know in full detail. However, one thing that is know for sure is that the actors have a very high fitness, and differ from the normal subspecies of humans by being polygamic. Normal humans are mostly monogamous.

Even the subspecies of actors are divided into 2. The male sex Howmanygirlfriends Youbastardius; and the female species Overmakeupius Silicatedmammarians . which contain an unusually high amount of silicon in their sexually dimorphic areas. These are also known commonly as "breast implants"; though it is not known whether these "breast implants" are voluntary or not. Evidence shows that it is voluntary, and presense of silica in the sexually dimorphic regions increases the fitness of the females.

One well know example of an individual who exhibits this phenomenon is a woman known to the humans as "Pamela Anderson".

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

Normal males engage in physical activities very often. It is beleived that many physical activities are a significance of the male copulatory organ, primarily because both consists of "bats" and "balls". These physical activities are usually held under friendly conditions, though sometimes fighting displays are observed for reasons that are too silly to be mentioned.

Just as there is a separate subspecies of actors, there is beleived to be a separate subspecies of sportsman. This subspecies hasnt been studied in full detail yet, but results are being awaited.

There are many other social cultures of the human species, which have not been fully elucidated yet. However, this is a very interesting subjects, and there are many Tasjfbhpais's awards for studies in the field.

I hope I have stimulated an interest in the simple but highly diverse species of humans.

Till we meet again, I wish you would fall off into a pit of lava.

Thank you

Intro to Human Species.

2005-10-03T14:32:00.000-05:00

Welcome to the Galactic Bus 3000, Oh noble Tasjfbhpais.
We are on our way to Earth, a small green planet with a huge diversity, though the maximum population are of a species called Humans (Humanicus lowintellegentsia) . Human's are a very strange and diverse group of organisms. There are different subspecies of humans, most likely evolutionary separate by geography, some examples include Brown Skin (Cheapus Indianicus) , White skin (Hopeless accenticus) and Black skin (Giantius Funnyhairicus) . The subspecies in itself has subspecies species, divided by a futile thing called Religion, of which there are many different kinds.

Humans, anatomically are a very simple species. They consist of 2 legs, 2 hands, 1 head with 2 eyes and 1 mouth. The mouth and eyes are a very dangerous arsenals in the sex of humans called Women (Bigmouthicus requiredtortureimus) . The mouth has a capability to never be shut, and the eyes are unique in that they secrete saline water (tears) in moments of extreme emotion. Strangely, tears are secreted in both extreme depression and in extreme joy, which highly raises the confusion of the simple minded sex of Man (Stinkingfeeticus beerdrinkingus). The human race is divided into only 2 sexes(though a mixture of the 2 sexes has been identified in a few individuals); unlike the 43 different sexual diversities of the Tasjfbhpais'.

However, a unique charecter of humans is the prescense of removable skin, which can change from day to day. Long time observation of the species has given us the insight into the "fashion world" of humans, wherein wearing different colours of skin has different effects in the courtship rituals (which are quite complex). Human males also have removable coloured hoofs, which when removed cause pungent odours (hence the scientific terminology) which usually cause big fights between the two sexes. The exact biochemistry of this reaction are unknown.

Courtship rituals are quite complex in humans, and has not been fully elucidated yet. However, one thing for certain is that different populations of Men have different scoring rates, and the scoring rates usually depend on the physique and the fashion (see above) of the Men. Why such a trait has evolved is unimaginable.

The actual mating is very rare to be seen, though some bold populations of the species have uploaded different sexual methods on an invention called "Internet". This mating itself is called in different terms; when mating is not uploaded on the "internet", then it is called "sex"; whereas once it is uploaded on the internet, it is called "porn".

The liferange of the humans is very short, about 70-80 of Human years (comparitive to 0.1 Tasjfbhpais years). Because of the short life, we have been able to study the reproductive mechanism of the species, and also have been able to cause mutations in said species. The humans, however have realized this, and named it by the simple term of "genetically modified organisms". Many human religions, specially Christianity, are completely against the genetic modification of organisms, and they complain time and again to our representatives on Earth, who have altered their bodies to form what the Humans call "Government".

With this, I conclude this VERY VERY brief description of the Human species. Perhaps at a later time, we shall meet again and discuss the intricacies of the species.
Until then, it is time I bid you all a good day, may the sun melt your heads and the flies have your brains for dinner.

Thank you

Studying

2005-10-02T06:14:00.000-05:00

Its bad for health.

Studying too much directly affects the brain and cause escessive release of hormones which cause acne.
Acne causes discomfort.
Discomfort causes ugliness.
Ugliness causes being outlawed.
Outlawed causes Depression.
Depression has 2 ends--Anti-depressants or suicide.

No studying causes bad marks.
Bad marks cause depression.
Depression causes anti-depressants or suicides.

Mediocore studying causes mediocore marks.
Mediocore marks causes getting admission in bad/mediocore colleges, which suck.
Screwed up colleges causes depression either during college-life or when you're working.
Depression causes anti-depressants or suicide.

Thus, either way you study, you get depressed. So why study?

Its because its an evil plan concocted by anti-depressant manufacturers and psychiatrists worldwide...so that depressed people can use the companies' anti-depressants and the psychiatrists can be well off.
Thats why psychiatrists usually have big offices with huge and comfortable sofas and a rosewood table. They mint money from crazy people and then talking abt loving the crazy.

Fucking psychiatrists

Nursery rhymes

2005-09-30T11:37:00.000-05:00

Ding Dong Bell, Pussy in the well.
Who put it in? Little Tommy' thin.
Who pulled it out? Little Tommy Stout
...blah blah blah....

You know, whoever said that our forefathers werent the sexually perverted type was wrong.
I mean just look at this nursery rhyme; I m sure all of you have heard this when you were little babies, and I m sure your parents would have heard this too.

Now let's go through the sexual overtones in this rhyme.

Ding Dong Bell, Pussy in the Well.
This line is clearly talking about a threesome. Why else would there be a pussy AND a well, and a prelude talking about Ding Dong bells.

Now, we shall look at the last two lines:

Who put it in? Little Tommy' thin.
Who pulled it out? Little Tommy Stout
After giving you the hint, I m sure you can make out what this sentence actually means.

Conclusion->
I m sure this is a secret propaganda by the aliens to inject discord among the human species.
I m glad we are still united.

Thank you

scent logic

2005-09-28T14:52:00.000-05:00

Let us imagine a straight guy for now. He chooses a perfume/scent that HE likes; that is he likes the smell of it and hence chooses it. This guy, lets call him A, does not go near the ladies perfume section as the scents are too feminine. That is he likes a masculine scent such as musk or the like.
Now, let us imagine a straight woman. She chooses a perfume/scent that SHE likes; that is she likes the smell and hence chooses it. This girl, named B does not go to the male perfume section as the the scents are too masculine. That is she likes a feminine scent such as vanilla or lavender or the like.
Now let us imagine that this straight guy and straight girl go for a straight date. As expected, both A and B are very keen about this date, and are eager to try out their new respective scents, the masculine scent for the guy and the feminine scent for the madam.
Now, imagine these two meet up, and they each get the other's respective scent. Our guy A refused to buy a feminine scent, and the lady B refused to buy a masculine scent.
Thus, it defies logic that a woman should wear a feminine scent and a man should wear a masculine scent, as each of them dont like the other's respective scent.
Thus, for olfactory attraction, which is key, acknowledging the fact that we evolved from animals like gorillas which sense heat periods in females by scent; and the fact that we are closely related to dog's which still smell the opposite sex's ass; we should be more attracted to the person that wears a masculine scent if we were a guy, as that was what we bought in the first place as it was the scent we liked. The same goes for the woman, that is she should be the attracted to the person who wears the feminine scent as it was what she bought from the shop because she liked it.

Conclusion-> A man must wear a feminine scent to attract a woman, and a woman must wear a masculine scent to attract a man.

Points of caution->
1)The above theory works only for straight men and woman. I have no personal peeve against homosexuals.
2)The above should be taken under the context of culture. Perhaps years od cultural upbringing and peer-pressure have taken their toll on the respective definitions of "masculine" and "feminine"; though many variances of the two terms are possible.
3)And this is the most important; the above psot was meant as a joke. If you do take it seriously, I suggest you see a psychiatrist or commit suicide. I dont want to hear any points abt suicide being morally wrong or against God. God made you...so commit suicide for all I care. Just dont torture me to suicide.

Thank you.

I wish...

2005-09-27T07:17:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, I just wish I was living in a village.
Seriously, being "modern" sucks. I'd find it better to be sitting in a village farming and taking care of cows and the like, and playing on the roads, climbing trees, getting mangoes off branches...
None of that sort could be done in a city like Madras, and even less chance of doing in in a city like Toronto.
I guess NIkhil was right when he called me a confused Desi.

Damn...Toronto sucks

Bacteria in the Kitchen

2005-09-23T17:00:00.000-05:00

Damn...who knew that keeping dhall in the cooker for over a week is perfect for bacteria to grow.
The yellow colour of the cooked dhall had turned pink with shades of green and it stunk.

Oh well...other than that, life's going on as usual, leaving me behind.

Bloody life.

Thasaal

:(

2005-07-19T03:06:00.000-05:00

I ve lost my randomness.
I blame it on that stupid tiger which said it'd show me the world.
I know now never to trust any member of the feline species...specially humans.
Stupid humans going around killing other humans and making their brains into pickles to have with curd rice.
Thus do not stop manufacturing of GM foods. Hopefully they'll start eating those bloody humans.

I m glad i m not human.

thasaal

India

2005-07-05T05:08:00.000-05:00

<3 the place and the food!

thasaal.

Food

2005-05-12T03:34:00.000-05:00

<3 Indian food.
Best food you can ever find...with the perfect blend of spice.
Oh...I forgot that none of you can eat spice...

Weaklings.

regret

2005-05-02T15:05:00.000-05:00

Why do I always keep my mouth shut when I have to speak and talk too much when I should keep my mouth shut.
The consequences of this still keep haunting me :(

Who am I?

2005-04-30T23:29:00.000-05:00

An Idiotic Imbecilic Inferior Imaginative Irritating Iconoplastic Inciting Impudent Indian, with a steady mind....oh look...a butterfly.

First Post.

2005-04-27T02:24:00.000-05:00

Yes, my first post in the world of blogging, unless you consider my previous blog which i mutilated and then had killed.

So why am I sitting up all night and setting a blog? Many reasons; almost everyone I know (and dont know) have one...I m just following the cowherd (a sexy one, might I add? :D ). Another reason is for me to express my random side to my viewers.

Damn, I forgot...I dont have any.

Oh wells,
Thank You, Come Again.